NOTE: I offer online and in-person CLASSES & EVENTS! Please see the CLASSES & EVENTS link at the top of each page.

NOTE: I am not responsible for the information or the use of it in these resources, organizations, people, books, or websites. Any link to another site, service, or person is not an endorsement of that site, service, or person. You are 100% responsible for any use of the information provided on this website and any site or service linked to or mentioned in this site. Always do what is right for you. Discuss your needs with your doctor or therapist.



You can feel loved, loving, valued, respected, safe, secure, self-confident, powerful, prosperous, healthy, wise, and free!

You can learn to create healthy relationships with yourself, others, with your Soul, Spirit, and with life.

To feel really good, it is important to heal the suffering from relationship challenges of the past and present which includes your childhood, family challenges, ancestral lineage, and past lives.

When you truly love, accept, respect, and heal yourself, you no longer accept, create, attract, and endure similar pain in future relationships.

Spirit and I help you to release pain, fears, limited beliefs, patterns, blame, dramas, and victimization. We support you in transforming struggles into understanding, self-awareness, healing, wisdom, strengths, skills, gifts, greater opportunities, and healthy relationships.

By learning to be free of the control of the ego and becoming self-aware, you may experience greater love, peace, joy, personal power, inner strength, security, safety, prosperity, health, well-being, freedom, trust, understanding, clarity, appreciation, respect, and wisdom in your life.

The links below help you to discover and overcome 6 of the ways the ego creates drama, fear, pain, struggle, and suffering in your life until you learn, grow, heal, become self-aware, and live guided by your Soul and by Spirit.

As you grow in your understanding of the ego, heal, and deepen your connection with your Soul and Spirit, you will accept, create, and attract fewer control dramas in your relationships with family, friends, partners, co-workers, others, and in this life and even future lives by learning about how the ego operates when you are living unconsciously controlled by the ego.

Your life and your relationships reflect how you feel about yourself and the ego's need for love, security, safety, freedom, control, dominance, attention, and power.

When you are feeling unlovable, unworthy, highly anxious, victimized, angry, blaming, denying, escaping, fantasizing, depressed, tired, confused, not respecting yourself, have false beliefs, limiting patterns, and addictions, you will attract partners and people who do not love, value, appreciate, and respect you.

You can learn to love, value, appreciate, and respect yourself. As you do so, you will attract people who will also love, value, appreciate, and respect you. Learn how to connect with the love, peace, strength, and wisdom with you from your Soul and Spirit. Learn how to have healthy communication in a relationship. Choose to treat others with the same love, appreciation, and respect as you seek from them.

You will act unconsciously in the 4 MAIN EGO, UNCONSCIOUS CONTROL DRAMAS: Aloof, Poor Me (Victim), Interrogator, and Intimidator until you become self-aware and live as your awakening Higher Self.

You will also express and engage in varying degrees of CODEPENDENCE and NARCISSISM as the ego until you become more self-aware and begin to spiritually awaken.

When you are acting unconsciously from your ego, you use the CONTROL DRAMAS, CODEPENDENCE, and NARCISSISM as ways to try to get the ego's needs met. Remember some of the ego needs are to feel love, security, safety, freedom, control, dominance, attention, and power.

We are not here to blame and shame. None of us are perfect. We all have an ego which tries to control and sabotage us until we become more self-aware and live in Higher Consciousness as our Soul. We all choose to come to earth as a Soul to learn, grow, heal, and help our Soul evolve. Prior to birth, we choose the people who will raise us, the relationships we will encounter, the challenges we wish to learn from, and the gifts we desire to grow and share with others.

In order for your Soul to learn and grow and to assist others in their Soul's evolution, your Soul may have chosen to have been raised by someone who was not happy, healthy, or responsible. Your parent/caregiver may not have had a healthy relationship with someone they could love. They may not have had a healthy, loving, responsible partner who could equally share the responsibility of helping raise you.

Your caregiver/parent may not have had healthy life skills and communication skills. They may have been traumatized, depressed, anxious, grieving, self-absorbed, controlling, dominating, critical, aloof, interrogating, feeling like a victim, abusive, or angry. They may have had relationship problems, financial struggles, alcohol/drug dependency, and/or mental/emotional/health problems.

Your parent/caregiver may not have been shown love, compassion, and healthy parenting skills by the people who raised them. They may have had their partner or another significant person die, ignore, abuse, criticized, or leave them which contributed to why they did not give more of their time, energy, attention, and affection to you. They may have had to work a lot, be away from home, or passed away in your childhood. They may have been emotionally unavailable, busy with other people, attending to other concerns, or preoccupied with themselves.

Your caregiver/parent may not have been physically, emotionally, and/or mentally available to raise you, listen to you, love you, care for you, protect you, and help you get your needs met.

A part of you may be feeling hurt, resentful, angry, depressed, needy, demanding, controlling, expectant, fearful, abused, neglected, unwanted, lonely, or abandoned.

You may be trying to get your ego's needs met by focusing a lot of time and attention on yourself or trying to get your ego's needs met by focusing on people and things outside of yourself, rather than learning to go within and connect with the love, peace, joy, inner power, understanding, and wisdom of your Soul and Spirit.

Frequently, your ego will have more than one way of predominately behaving. Your ego may take on the same control drama(s) with certain people and some situations while it may behave differently with other people and situations. Your ego may even try out most or all of the control drama roles during a relationship or argument.

You may find that you and the people in your relationships, including your parents and caregivers, have traits of more than one style.

You and your parents, caregivers, family, partner, children, friends, neighbors, and co-workers may act one or more ways with one person and different ways with other people and depending on the situation.

These are some general ways of describing 6 of the main control dramas of the ego. They are not an exact science and again, there are often more than one trait being expressed.

As an ALOOF Person, you may be very independent, like a lot of alone time, privacy, and distance yourself from others and even from the world. You may resist feeling and sharing your thoughts and emotions. You may resist the feelings and thoughts of others. You may avoid honest communication and true intimacy. You may dislike having responsibility, accountability, commitments, confrontations, schedules, rules, and expectations. This helps the ego to feel safe, secure, and to have a feeling of dominance, control, and power in your relationships and in life. You may have been a caretaker, feel responsible for others, ignored, criticized, or abused which causes you to want to escape, deny, blame, ignore, be independent, very private, and be alone. You may benefit from learning to take better care of yourself, speaking up, taking a stand, setting boundaries, and not feel overly responsible for how others live their lives. You may find that you attract mostly the Interrogator or Intimidator personality often.

As a POOR ME (VICTIM), you may feel like the victim, play the martyr, feel you always make sacrifices at your expense, feel put upon by others, lied to, mistreated, unappreciated, feel taken advantage of, and believe others do not appreciate, love, or respect you. You may expect your partner, your family, the government, religion, the healthcare system, schools, others, God, or life itself to save you, rescue you, take care of you, and be there for you. You may feel insecure, powerless, and dependent on people, systems, and things outside of yourself. You may blame others for your problems, situation, feelings, pain, struggles, and life circumstances. The ego tries to get its need for love, security, safety, freedom, control, dominance, attention, and power from people, activities, and things outside of the Soul Self. You may find that you frequently attract mostly the Interrogator or Intimidator personality.

As an INTERROGATOR, you may find it difficult to listen deeply, patiently, and compassionately to others. You may ask a lot of questions, think a lot, be opinionated, want things to be your way, relentlessly pursue others, argue, have confrontations, and chase after your partner, family, and friends for intimacy, communication, attention, reassurance, support, and understanding. You seek love, security, safety, approval, and self-worth outside of yourself often from your partner or the person you desire to connect with or from your work and accomplishments, rather than from the Soul Self. You may find that you often attract the Aloof or Intimidator personality.

As an INTIMIDATOR, you may be angry, defensive, demanding, controlling, resentful, judgmental, intimidating, and verbally and/or physically abusive and manipulative. You may feel the need to intimidate, dominate, destroy, or fight to get your ego's needs met for love, security, safety, freedom, control, dominance, attention, and power. You may find you attract people who feel powerless or aloof and people who allow you to dominate them or who leave the relationship after seeing they are not truly loved and respected. You may find you tend to attract the Aloof or Poor Me personality frequently.

As a CO-DEPENDENT, you may find yourself searching for love outside of yourself through your relationships with others. You may be needy and need to be needed. You may be a people pleaser and have the strong desire to make other people happy so you can be happy. You may anticipate or sense other people's feelings and try to help them feel better. You may have trouble setting boundaries, respecting other people's boundaries, taking care of yourself, speaking up, leaving unhealthy relationships, and allowing others to live their own lives without needing to fix, change, control, rescue, "help", counsel, and take care of others beyond what is appropriate, or take things personally. You may be empathic, very intuitive, highly sensitive, feel other people's feelings easily, often know how to help others, and be overly involved in other people's lives. You may find yourself counseling those with problems and helping those with difficulties, struggles, and addictions. You may be very dependent upon others for your love, happiness, peace, self-esteem, self-acceptance, prosperity, personal power, inner strength, and well-being. You may find that you tend to attract Narcissists.

As a NARCISSIST, you may focus mostly or solely on yourself at the expense of developing satisfying relationships of true intimacy and mutually loving, respectful, and supportive interactions with others. You may make promises of future commitment to others that you do not keep. You may often brag to boost other's opinions about you to help yourself feel better. You may have difficulty expressing empathy, understanding how others feel, and offering true love and compassion. You may discount what your partner says, how they feel, and deny what they have said which makes the other person feel unheard, confused, and wonder what is happening. You may attract needy people who support and love you despite the poor way you often treat them until you decide you no longer want to be with them or they decide to leave you. You want to look good and feel good without considering how others feel and how you treat them. You may be very self-absorbed, the most important, and need to be heard and seen. You may think you are right, the best, better than, and simply amazing. You may find that you attract Co-dependents.

The wounded ego acts in one or more of these 6 ways to varying degrees at varying times and in different ways depending on the person and circumstance because we are human beings. The ego helps you to learn, grow, and heal so our Soul may evolve and reach Higher Realms as it moves forward on the spiritual path.

All 6 of these egoic behaviors may be experienced through denial, avoidance, addictions, distractions, busyness, and escaping or trying to control relationships, challenges, and life.

When living unconsciously as the ego, you will act out these 6 behaviors in our relationships with others and with God and even with life itself.

Learn about these 6 aspects of the ego. Be self-aware so you no longer allow the ego to control you through dramas. Spend a little time in daily meditation to connect with the love, peace, joy, wisdom, and healing of your Soul within you.

Practice an attitude of gratitude, along with faith and trust in a Higher Power. You will be able to heal, be free, feel better, and live with self-love, love for others, joy, peace, abundance, security, personal power, inner strength, and live as your Soul Self aligned with Spirit and guided by the Divine.

You will feel and create less pain, frustration, and encounter less struggle as you take responsibility for what you are creating and choose to heal.

Stay awake, self-aware, detached (be in this world, but not of it), and connected to the love, peace, wisdom, and inner strength of your Soul and Spirit within you and around you to know how truly magnificent you are as a Soul!

You are a Divine Being! You are more than your life story. Feel good! Live your best life through personal growth, awareness, and emotional healing. Spirit and I assist you to create greater love, joy, peace, personal power, prosperity, health, ease, inner wisdom, intuition, creativity, freedom, and well-being.

Enjoy an amazing, authentic life as your Soul, connected to Source, and express your Soul's Highest Potential on the Journey of Spiritual Awakening.

Trust and know things are always working for your highest and best. You are helped according to God's Divine Will and your own Soul's Life Plan.

Spirit lovingly said to me, "Suffering is not a requirement on 'The Path to Joy'. Therefore, go forward lovingly, peacefully, and joyfully on your Inner Path. Enjoy this magnificent life you have chosen and live it to the fullest!"

Your Soul is playing a part in a temporary play called, Life. It is an illusion, a dream. Life allows your Soul to learn, grow, heal, evolve, and ascend to the Higher Realms of Spirit when you make your transition.

Take time to form a close relationship with your own Divine Soul and your Divine Spirit Team. Talk to them about your concerns. Feel the unconditional love, deep peace, comfort, healing, and compassion they offer you. Listen in the stillness and silence for their guidance. Take time to feel the power and strength of your Soul's Divine Presence within you. It is very important to spend time in meditation connecting with your Divine Self because your Soul is a part of God/Creator within you. Therein lies the love, peace, power, health, abundance, wisdom, and all that you seek.

You can learn to live empowered as your Soul with the knowledge you are Spirit, which is a Divine spark of God. Strive to live life with this Self-Realization. Everything will improve as you live in Higher Consciousness. You will be more awake from the illusions of this world that your Soul has chosen to temporarily inhabit so it may evolve and progress spiritually. You will also create fewer dramas and experience less suffering in your relationships and in your life. As you live with the conscious awareness of your Soul's Divine Presence and in connection with Divine Spirit, you will also be of greater service to others, an instrument of loving kindness, peace, and you will help create a better world for all.

A healthy relationship is when:

"They lean in and listen. They don't diminish your feelings. They can genuinely apologize. They take responsibility for their actions.

It matters to them how they make you feel. They respect you. They make you feel safe. Their words and actions align.

They're not scared of hard conversations. They look for compromise and solutions. They want to grow together.

They're willing to make changes. They express their love through their actions (and words)." - unknown author

BELOW, learn about the potential skills, gifts, and opportunities of the control dramas. Knowledge is healing and empowering.

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JAMES REDFIELD, author of the book, "CELESTINE PROPHECY" and Control Dramas Expert says,

"Just as all of our shadows are truly meant to be gifts, the CONTROL DRAMAS can also evolve into a higher vibration to become positive strengths.

The ALOOF has an ability to access deep inner intuitive resources to bring wisdom and creativity to their life's work. Finding the courage to be seen allows them to share their gifts with the world.

The POOR ME (Victim) has the ability to experience the depths of our human experience through the full range of emotions. When they stay grounded and centered in their own inner source through the highs and lows of life, their knowledge, compassion, and empathy can be used as a beacon of light to help others and to make change in the world through reform.

The INTERROGATOR has the ability to channel their questioning into research and by using more well-rounded interpersonal skills, they can share and teach even the most difficult subjects in enjoyable ways. They also have an inner strength and desire for what is right and true. When they use this for good they can become an advocate for any cause they may be interested in.

The INTIMIDATOR has the ability to become a true leader holding themself to a standard of grace. At times, they can be assertive, confident, inspiring, and empowering. They often enjoy challenges, seek fairness for all, and gain the cooperation of others. Moving into authentic authority, they fully experience the value of trust and loyalty as it is equally given and received."

Copyright 2024 Gayle Kirk

NOTE: After reading each link below, remember to use the BACK ARROW KEY to return to my website.


  • Codependents Anonymous for people who have excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.

  • What is codependence?

  • Robert Burney - Healing Books on Codependence

  • Symptoms of Codependency

  • Codependency - Getting Triggered, Getting Our Buttons Pushed, Our Wounding, and What You Can Do

  • Transcending Neediness (Codependence) Talk by Eckhart Tolle


  • Narcissist Symptoms and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

  • Narcissist Personality Disorder

  • Narcissistic Parent

  • Trust Issues and How to Overcome Them

  • Narcissist Abuse Support

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    If you and/or someone you love is experiencing difficulties with alcohol or drugs, below are some helpful resources.

  • Al-Anon for people who are worried about someone with a drinking problem.

  • Nar-Anon for people who are worried about someone with a drug problem.

  • Alcoholics Anonymous for people worried about their own drinking problem.

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    For those who need IMMEDIATE help with suicide or suicide prevention, please call 1-800-SUICIDE. 1-800-784-2433

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Talk to Someone 24/7

    Survivors of Suicide

    GriefNet provides grief information and online grief support groups for children and their families.

    Grief Support After the Death of a Child: Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA

    A fantastic organization for families who have lost a child: Helping Parents Heal



    The link below is from the Women's Health Network for greater mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being. It includes online quizzes for symptoms of PMS, Perimenopause, Menopause, Thyroid, Hormone Symptom Checker, Adrenal Stress, Fatigue, and others.

    You can take the online quizzes in the privacy of your own home. Print out the results and bring them to your doctor. Ask your doctor to help you with any problems, symptoms, and imbalances.

    It is so important to feel good! You do not have to be in pain, tired, emotional, and suffering. By taking responsibility for how you think, feel, speak, and act, you can really enjoy your life, work, interests, and relationships with others!

  • Health & Well-being Quizzes & Support

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    These 3 books by ECKHART TOLLE: "PRACTICING THE POWER OF NOW", "A NEW EARTH", and "STILLNESS SPEAKS". Also good are Eckhart Tolle's Practising Presence (CD, DVD, Audiobook), Essential Meditations with Eckhart Tolle (CD), Meditation (DVD), and Eckart Tolle's free YouTube videos on his YouTube channel.

    The podcast of OPRAH WINFREY and ECKHART TOLLE called, "A NEW EARTH".

    All the FREE YOUTUBE VIDEOS on the YouTube channel by the loving, wise, and accurate Spirit Guide JONATHAN HUNTER trance channeled by authentic medium ELAINE THORPE for knowledge for these awakening times, spiritual growth, personal development, and healing.

    All the books and teachings by the loving, wise, and accurate late authentic medium EVA BELL WERBER for spiritual growth, personal development, and healing.

    All the books and teachings by the loving, wise, and accurate authentic medium ALBERT J. FIKE of DIVINE LOVE SANCTURARY FOUNDATION for spiritual growth, personal development, and healing.

    All the books and teachings by the late authentic medium and spiritual healer HARRY EDWARDS for spiritual growth, personal development, mediumship, and healing.

    All the books, meditations, and teachings by the loving, wise, and accurate Spirit Guide ORIN trance channeled by the late authentic medium SANAYA ROMAN for spiritual growth, personal development, trance channeling development, and healing.

    All the books, meditations, and teachings by the loving, wise, and accurate Spirit Guide WHITE EAGLE trance channeled by the late authentic medium GRACE COOKE for spiritual growth, personal development, and healing.

    All the FREE YOUTUBE VIDEOS on the YouTube channel by trustworthy, knowledgeable, and accurate Medical Surgeon and Ufologist DR. STEVEN GREER for your awakening spiritual growth. He is one of the world's foremost authorities on the subject of extraterrestrial intelligence and initiating peaceful contact with interstellar civilizations.

    Check out the books online by LOUISE L. HAY. She was an American motivational author and the founder of Hay House. She authored several New Thought self-help books, including the 1984 book You Can Heal Your Life. They are very self-empowering and healing. This book by Louise Hay is wonderful and so revealing. Our thoughts and feelings contribute to how we feel. Learn about the potential contributing factors of dis-ease in the body through her book, "HEAL YOUR BODY: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Metaphysical Way to Overcome Them" by LOUISE L. HAY available online.

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  • In-depth Astrology Reading, Chiron Healing Your Deepest Wound, Past Life Regression


  • Flower Essence Services

  • Alaskan Essences: Flower Essences, Gem Elixirs, Environmental Essences



    Eckhart Tolle, Sanaya Roman and her Spirit Guide Orin, James Redfield, Grace Cooke and her Spirit Guide White Eagle, Paramhansa Yogananda, Margaret McElroy and her Spirit Guide Maitreya, Albert J. Fike and the Celestial Angels, Joseph Benner and his books penned as Anonymous, Roy Eugene Davis, Eknath Easwaran, Karen Casey, Byron Katie, Eva Bell Werber, Ruth Fishel, Edgar Cayce, Paul Ferrini, Philip Burley, Peter Mt. Shasta, Dolores Cannon, Julia Cannon, Jacquelyn Small, Louise L. Hay, Susun Weed, Harville Hendrix, and Gary Zukav.


    Sanaya Roman, Albert J. Fike, Tony Stockwell, Lisa Williams, James Van Praagh, Gordon Smith, Harry Edwards, Elaine Aron, Judith Orloff, Doris Stokes, Rosemary Brown, Coral Polge


    Harry Edwards, Ernest Holmes


    JOIN MY NEWSLETTER FOR DISCOUNTS ON SESSIONS, online and in-person classes, webinars, important channeled messages from Spirit, book announcements, radio shows, and more!

    I am writing books about my personal growth and spiritual journey, along with teachings from Spirit. My Spirit Guides and I are writing books together on how to live as your Soul here on Earth, Guardian Angels, alternative medicine, and healing, along with inspiring, empowering words from Spirit.

    Go to the BOTTOM of the HOME PAGE on my website to JOIN MY NEWSLETTER!

    Learn how I got started channeling Spirit at age 7, my brother's passing, and my personal journey on ABOUT GAYLE.

    Also check out my online and in-person CLASSES & EVENTS link at the top of each page.